i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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