i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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