Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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