I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
