I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
