that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
