woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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