I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
