he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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