that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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