I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
