So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
