all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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