I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
