bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
birth control should be required to get into college
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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