Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
