3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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