wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My life is pants optional.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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