I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
