Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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