Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize
