Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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