this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
