i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
