Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
