I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
