So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
