It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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