Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
