I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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