The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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