I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
