HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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