I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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