sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
