my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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