I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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