she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
