I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
