When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
