take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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