The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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