I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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