I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
