Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You've changed since you got that strap on
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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