Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
