He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
one two three fourrrrnication!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
