walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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