I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
