I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize