a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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