ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
