i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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