She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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