She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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