so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
