Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
