Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
