are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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