someone get that fucking seahorse.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just had sex bonerless
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
