Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
