My room smells like vodka and shame
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
