I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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