Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
