Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
